Powerlessness

what have I done
if I have done
what have I missed
if I have missed

I wasn’t here
where I should have been
I haven’t seen
what should I have seen

now
suffering comes

they are just innocent
to be harmed this way
what have I done
what I should have seen?

just missed the life
their life
who we miss now and tomorrow

accusing myself
can’t see the pain
doubts in everything
and prayers to God
to forgive what I have
and haven’t done

have no words
even my existence is so heavy
how could I endure it
when others suffer

I feel I can’t bear the pain that others suffer
I wish time to turn back
I wish to change the Rules
I wish myself to suffer and ache instead of them
I wish I was True Father to bear this
I wish I was a True Man to bear it
I wish to resemble Him
who suffers the most because of me
because of me
because of me

and still
He lifts me up
embraces
forgives
and forgets
and Loves

turning my powerlessness into capable capacity
to love them again
the world
and the humanity
including…
…me

 

JD