I’ve felt guilt to feel happy for so long that it’s hard to be and stay happy anymore

Have you ever felt guilt because you had some glimpses of happiness and joy for a time being?

I have.

Actually, I have been trying to push the feeling away because of the despairing echoes of loneliness for so long I can’t even remember how to stay truly happy and joyful for good.

How can I regain control over my happiness?

Am I even worthy to be happy?

Unexpectedly, I found myself imbalanced no matter how much I’d thought I knew how to balance things out. I’m an emotional guy, God made me like this and I never give in to the pit of darkness. Well, not for long. Or at least I know how to ask for help to get out… or I’d thought that’s how I was around in life… it turns out I wasn’t…

So, does that mean I’ve become broken?

Yes.

Took time not to hide it from myself. Took long enough.

What is the takeaway?

Maybe there is none.

Maybe that’s I’m still a human, an immature one, on the way of growth.

But it’s still freaking lonely to keep embracing this distance and not daring to enjoy the warmth of joy, peace and happiness.

I must try, I must keep trying on to shed the shellfragments of loneliness and brokenness, fear of abandonment and the constant present of the past. All the guilt of it.

It’s not on me, it’s not on anyone.

I’m worthy, I was given to give, I’m blessed to bless.

I have shine in me.

I have shine in me.

 

 

Joshua Dragon

Powerlessness

what have I done
if I have done
what have I missed
if I have missed

I wasn’t here
where I should have been
I haven’t seen
what should I have seen

now
suffering comes

they are just innocent
to be harmed this way
what have I done
what I should have seen?

just missed the life
their life
who we miss now and tomorrow

accusing myself
can’t see the pain
doubts in everything
and prayers to God
to forgive what I have
and haven’t done

have no words
even my existence is so heavy
how could I endure it
when others suffer

I feel I can’t bear the pain that others suffer
I wish time to turn back
I wish to change the Rules
I wish myself to suffer and ache instead of them
I wish I was True Father to bear this
I wish I was a True Man to bear it
I wish to resemble Him
who suffers the most because of me
because of me
because of me

and still
He lifts me up
embraces
forgives
and forgets
and Loves

turning my powerlessness into capable capacity
to love them again
the world
and the humanity
including…
…me

 

JD

God emphasizes and values any quality that resembles Him

Whenever God visited humanity who have committed countless sins and transgressions up until today, He emphasized and valued any quality that resembled Him – even a quality only a little greater than the numerous evil qualities of men – so that He could visit His children, beseechingly and desperately, based on this quality and on the original standard. This is the heart of parents.

Today, you stand in the position that you should move forward to reach the heart of parents with missions for your race and nation as well as for the world. When you look at your race, your race stands in the orphan’s position, where he is screaming and crying looking for his lost parents. When you look at one nation, you find it a nation who has lost its parents. When you look at the world, you must have a heart to recognize it as a world that has lost its parents. With is heart, you must prepare yourself to move forward to a new base, by reconnecting with Heaven. Jesus came to earth in order to do just this.

The Blessed Land Shall Be Established by Truth, Character and Heart
Reverend Sun Myung Moon
March 13, 1966

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