I’ve felt guilt to feel happy for so long that it’s hard to be and stay happy anymore

Have you ever felt guilt because you had some glimpses of happiness and joy for a time being?

I have.

Actually, I have been trying to push the feeling away because of the despairing echoes of loneliness for so long I can’t even remember how to stay truly happy and joyful for good.

How can I regain control over my happiness?

Am I even worthy to be happy?

Unexpectedly, I found myself imbalanced no matter how much I’d thought I knew how to balance things out. I’m an emotional guy, God made me like this and I never give in to the pit of darkness. Well, not for long. Or at least I know how to ask for help to get out… or I’d thought that’s how I was around in life… it turns out I wasn’t…

So, does that mean I’ve become broken?

Yes.

Took time not to hide it from myself. Took long enough.

What is the takeaway?

Maybe there is none.

Maybe that’s I’m still a human, an immature one, on the way of growth.

But it’s still freaking lonely to keep embracing this distance and not daring to enjoy the warmth of joy, peace and happiness.

I must try, I must keep trying on to shed the shellfragments of loneliness and brokenness, fear of abandonment and the constant present of the past. All the guilt of it.

It’s not on me, it’s not on anyone.

I’m worthy, I was given to give, I’m blessed to bless.

I have shine in me.

I have shine in me.

 

 

Joshua Dragon

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