I am a pastor. Hurt. Lost. Still rejoicing in God.

2020 is for sharp vision, see, it’s 20/20. It all depends how you look at life and Nature.

For me, it’s being eternally grateful, trying to be resilient, keep tranquility amidst the storms, evolving, uplifting and encouraging others.

Basically, change the pain, turn it, convert it into creative, positive action, art. Create a chance, show a path for those behind the rainbow. All the neglected, broken, abandoned ones. The ones with shattered hearts.

Only one can make real, meaningful changes in one’s life.

No one else.

 

I’ve just turned to 44. How many years left? I need to live well this time ahead, make every second count on Earth.

God called me when I was 10, but He was with me all time before.

Not that I haven’t had my curvy roads.

Yet, He has helped me, shaped me into who I am and who I can still become.

 

Gratitude.

For the pain, for the brokenness, for the bonemarrow aching grief.

My True Father says, I should recreate Heaven not somewhere else, but turn Hell here into Heaven, that’s the true restoration, that’s what Heavenly Parent has been working on with us.

How right He is!

It’s hard to recall if there has been a single person who wouldn’t have been attracted to God’s light and truth through me and would have actually be interested in how I am doing.

I am OK with that, that’s the beauty of it, being completely ready to pass God’s word to the ones in need.

 

Being left by the wife of 20+ years, being cheated on, called on names and treated as nobody’s dog, shattering all the hope and light – that came unexpected.

I had to learn I can’t take away others’ own part of responsibility no matter how much I wish.

God hasn’t made us to be robots. That simple it is.

Yet, we are living quite often as ignorant, malfunctioning robots. Likeminded zombies.

I know, this is God’s love and trust that I can bear and overcome it.

Still, it took a long time to accept, I am a good person after all – Satan wants us to feel isolated and alone. God is in togetherness.

God is in togetherness.

 

The strongest prayer I ever had was when my son was dying.

Heavenly Father accepted my offering and I’ve never held anything back ever since then.

Poured out every ounce of energy every day, earnestly living for others.

Now, most of the times I sing in my prayers.

When the pain becomes overwhelming, words can’t be formed, my soul only can sing. I learned it from others who went through the unexplainable. Like surviving the genocide in Rwuanda. Still trusting in God, still fighting with unrighteously caused hurt. God helped me to learn this and I’m grateful for this, too.

I am grateful for so many things.

I am grateful for everything.

 

I have never wanted to accept we are all meant to be alone at the end – despite the world’s best efforts to convince us.

But I can’t see how it will turn out.

I feel trapped and in many aspects I am. That is also the trust God can give: a chance to grow by doing something unprecedent, unimaginable.

Wouldn’t call it faith, though.

It’s a fact. Knowledge. Truth in my core.

God has never been in the books. He has always been in the life of those who acted upon their conscience. The ones who accepted without any conditions. The pure hearted ones.

 

I’m still wearing my Blessing ring.

It’s the symbol of my promise to God about me not giving up.

Just it hurts miserably.

For sure, it’s beyond every logic – but it’s a path to follow Jesus, it’s a path to pave for others, to have their life easier. It’s for my children and my spiritual children, too.

Can I be abundantly happy evermore?

Not sure.

On the one hand, I am successful and accepted in almost every aspects in life – except the conjugal relationship.

It’s a contradiction: Heaven is formed in pairs.

So, can a pastor date?

Sure. The world is a big place, seen tons of things.

Can this pastor date?

Nope. He made a promise to God.

Does it hurt?

Yes.

Makes sense?

In a way absolutely no.

Still, it’s a rejoice in Heavenly Parent.

 

 

Be Blessed and Wise!

 

 

Joshua Dragon

God never differentiates who to love

God is totally in for all those who are not loved and accepted by the masses, all the outcasts, misfits, for all the broken hearted ones and who were born behind the rainbow.

God loves us all.

God never differentiates who to love, who to care for.

We shouldn’t do either.

The world is full with counterfeit love, shadows in dim light. We all should strive for high noon, when there is no shadow cast in our life.

We, with our thoughts, words and deeds can be a bridge for each other.

God listens to us all.

 

JD

 

 

PS: click on this link for some music which portray these thoughts

 

 

You never wanted me

You never wanted me

Just my illusion

A painted shade

On the wall of lovers

 

Our game was meant to be life

We took it too seriously

And went too far

By now separately

 

Words cannot be trusted

There is no more wisdom to earn

Mistaken patience paralyzed

And stopped us to grow

 

Togetherness is an ideal

Not meant to be reached

For those who are abandoned

And live in broken dreams

 

I’m relieving to take a breath

That’s all I have left

Enough to be a good man

And find a kind of happiness

 

 

Joshua Dragon

What Crushes You

What crushes you
is not what you’ve left
and not what you’ve been missing in life
not even the dreams you feel can’t be achieved
but the times when you are helpless
and can’t save everyone
not even those who are the most beloved ones
to you

What crushes you
is you
feeling lonely
flooding through space
and wrinkles of time
not knowing what’s happening
without discovering
the truth

What crushes you
is living without God
having those moments
when you are alone
without the umbilical cord

then you should just go and do
because you already know
who can live inside of you

 

Joshua Dragon

Discovering What Has Been Lost

Discovering

after such a long time

which can be a day

or more by thousand times

 

What has been lost

the Truth inside me

covered in shock

rage and hatred

 

New earthquake in my heart

needed to happen

dirt had piled up

time has come to shovel

 

I was dwelling in a frozen fragment of time

trying not to feel

although my eyes were open wide

I was hiding behind a veil

 

Just not to feel as much

not to be hurt again

not to hurt others

just be me in peace

 

Heaven called me early in my life

and I’ve made my promises

in exchange for my

and my children’s life

 

I had become broken

it’s hard to admit it

for someone

who always wants to fix it

 

Though, I had never stopped

I wasn’t full

I had become a broken wheel

hard to move

 

Only for others

not to care for myself

that was the only way

I was able to accept

 

Now I have to love

myself again

this way to be healed

and be able to heal

 

Discovering

what has been lost

reinventing

to reach even more

 

 

-Joshua Dragon-

 

Have you ever been broken?

Have you ever been broken
Have you ever felt the fear
Have you ever become lonely
in a sudden, unexpected way

Have you ever been shaken
Have you ever felt betrayed
Have you ever become bitter
in a sudden, unexpected way

Have you ever been non-existent
Have you ever felt worthless
Have you ever become a silent scream
in a sudden, unexpected way

Have you ever been lost
Have you ever felt mislead
Have you ever become a runaway
in a sudden, unexpected way

I wish I had the strength
to pray

 

Joshua Dragon

Who told you, little bird

Who told you, little bird
to come and see me at lunch
Who told you, little bird
I’ll be here no matter what
Who told you, little bird
to stand onto that branch
Who told you, little bird
this place is holy and blessed
Who told you, little bird
to sing a song from God
Who told you, little bird
you’ll dry my tears and cheer me up
Who told you, little bird
to comfort my aching heart
Who told you, little bird
I’ll be crying for love

 

Joshua Dragon

Nothing is broken in you

nothing is broken in you
nothing has ever been
nothing is wrong with you
nothing has ever been

whenever you feel
incapable
inadequate
or just simply not enough

all the issues
accumulated
impossible
to overcome

it’s not your fault
it has never been
you are still worthy
you are still unique

the ability to love
in an unprecedented way
is only in you
is only in you

the compassion and care
even when you are down
is spark given from God
you are partly like Him

when you are down
release the anger
let go of pain
and resentment

you won’t be empty
light will shine
through the clouds
of dissolving past

new life will grow
in the burnt
and barren land
of your heart

nothing is broken in you
nothing is wrong
nothing is impossible
nothing is like was before

when you realize
how greatly appreciated and loved
by the whole Universe
and God

 

Joshua Dragon

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