I am a pastor. Hurt. Lost. Still rejoicing in God.

2020 is for sharp vision, see, it’s 20/20. It all depends how you look at life and Nature.

For me, it’s being eternally grateful, trying to be resilient, keep tranquility amidst the storms, evolving, uplifting and encouraging others.

Basically, change the pain, turn it, convert it into creative, positive action, art. Create a chance, show a path for those behind the rainbow. All the neglected, broken, abandoned ones. The ones with shattered hearts.

Only one can make real, meaningful changes in one’s life.

No one else.


I’ve just turned to 44. How many years left? I need to live well this time ahead, make every second count on Earth.

God called me when I was 10, but He was with me all time before.

Not that I haven’t had my curvy roads.

Yet, He has helped me, shaped me into who I am and who I can still become.



For the pain, for the brokenness, for the bonemarrow aching grief.

My True Father says, I should recreate Heaven not somewhere else, but turn Hell here into Heaven, that’s the true restoration, that’s what Heavenly Parent has been working on with us.

How right He is!

It’s hard to recall if there has been a single person who wouldn’t have been attracted to God’s light and truth through me and would have actually be interested in how I am doing.

I am OK with that, that’s the beauty of it, being completely ready to pass God’s word to the ones in need.


Being left by the wife of 20+ years, being cheated on, called on names and treated as nobody’s dog, shattering all the hope and light – that came unexpected.

I had to learn I can’t take away others’ own part of responsibility no matter how much I wish.

God hasn’t made us to be robots. That simple it is.

Yet, we are living quite often as ignorant, malfunctioning robots. Likeminded zombies.

I know, this is God’s love and trust that I can bear and overcome it.

Still, it took a long time to accept, I am a good person after all – Satan wants us to feel isolated and alone. God is in togetherness.

God is in togetherness.


The strongest prayer I ever had was when my son was dying.

Heavenly Father accepted my offering and I’ve never held anything back ever since then.

Poured out every ounce of energy every day, earnestly living for others.

Now, most of the times I sing in my prayers.

When the pain becomes overwhelming, words can’t be formed, my soul only can sing. I learned it from others who went through the unexplainable. Like surviving the genocide in Rwuanda. Still trusting in God, still fighting with unrighteously caused hurt. God helped me to learn this and I’m grateful for this, too.

I am grateful for so many things.

I am grateful for everything.


I have never wanted to accept we are all meant to be alone at the end – despite the world’s best efforts to convince us.

But I can’t see how it will turn out.

I feel trapped and in many aspects I am. That is also the trust God can give: a chance to grow by doing something unprecedent, unimaginable.

Wouldn’t call it faith, though.

It’s a fact. Knowledge. Truth in my core.

God has never been in the books. He has always been in the life of those who acted upon their conscience. The ones who accepted without any conditions. The pure hearted ones.


I’m still wearing my Blessing ring.

It’s the symbol of my promise to God about me not giving up.

Just it hurts miserably.

For sure, it’s beyond every logic – but it’s a path to follow Jesus, it’s a path to pave for others, to have their life easier. It’s for my children and my spiritual children, too.

Can I be abundantly happy evermore?

Not sure.

On the one hand, I am successful and accepted in almost every aspects in life – except the conjugal relationship.

It’s a contradiction: Heaven is formed in pairs.

So, can a pastor date?

Sure. The world is a big place, seen tons of things.

Can this pastor date?

Nope. He made a promise to God.

Does it hurt?


Makes sense?

In a way absolutely no.

Still, it’s a rejoice in Heavenly Parent.



Be Blessed and Wise!



Joshua Dragon

The True Meaning of Peace (06)

“Why do we have sadness and misery? When we move toward the vast universe with our mind and body having achieved unity in a peaceful situation, and when we become one with the living environment, the universe will offer us the necessary protection. The universe will protect us if we accomplish a realm of interaction in which we can be interconnected and coexist. If we act contrary to that, however, the universal force will certainly expel us. This is how sorrow can arise.” – Reverend Sun Myung Moon

I’ll be the master of love

I’ll be the master of love

When I turn this shit into fertilizer

As I own it

What I have never asked for

And re-create

Our life from its ruins


I’ve never blamed you

Though it’s not mutual

As nothing seems ever was

But it’s only the pain talking


Now I’m free

Because I choose to be

And I choose to be grateful

For no reason

Now I’m free



Joshua Dragon

My Broken Heart is Nothing Compared to Yours, Father!

A prayer when words are too heavy to speak…

Prayers for Everybody

My broken heart is nothing compared to your, Father!

Walking halfway in the Sunset Avenue of this life

Where happiness seems to be barren just like the barks of the trees

Where the light is present but can not warm that much any more

As memories are fading and the void is getting stronger

As the mind of brilliance is becoming more normal

As all the deeds are recategorized by self-doubts

And I feel the era of joy and abundant love

Will never greet me again

And the anger is growing and visible

Towards those who are acting against Your love

People, just like me


The pain is excruciating

But the numbness is death

I can feel my own pitiness

I wonder how You can still trust me

I wonder how you can still bear the pain of agony.

Your hope in us

Your hope in me

Must be…

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Man Should Be the Starting Point for the Historical Fulfilment of Hope

Because the body did not follow the mind’s demands, mankind has been trying until now to find a place where the body can satisfy what the mind desires. In order to stop the fight between the mind and the body, and to re-establish the original point of tranquillity, many people have suffered all kinds of toil through the road of religion, the road of asceticism, and the road of education. But in the history of mankind there has never been a person anywhere who could achieve the decisive victory in attaining the original point of tranquillity.

This fight has constantly been going on, from the past to the present, and it is continuing even within yourselves. It has been mankind’s hope to settle this fight once and for all. It has also been the hope of God, who is leading mankind. Then what should be the starting point for the fulfilment of this hope, which is the hope of God, the hope of mankind? Where should the fulfilment of this hope start? Before it is fulfilled in the world, it has to be completed in the nation, and before it is fulfilled in the nation it has to be done in the family, and before it is fulfilled in the family, it has to be done in the individual.

Ultimately, instead of desiring to see its fulfilment in the outside world, I must prepare it inside myself. Unless we find that starting point for a decisive victory within ourselves, the Kingdom of Heaven that we desire and that God desires will not be realized. The problem of making unity within oneself, who is divided, who is fighting on a forked road, is the homework that mankind has to resolve. It is also the historical desire of God, who is always looking for the starting point of victory through mankind.

When we try to find where that returning point is, which is the desire of history, it is not the world, not some nation, not some family. Without first finding this returning point within myself there is no way to go from the family to the world. Throughout history, families have been formed centring on individuals who have not found this solution. Societies have been formed by these kinds of families. The nation and the world have spread out, centring on these kinds of societies. This is the situation of today’s world.

This fight has been continuing throughout history. Then where is the origin of this fight? It is not some country that became the cause of this fight. It is not some tribe. The origin of this fight is, in all aspects, between the individual’s mind and body. You must know that this is the origin of the fight. Unless we settle this completely, the fight will never end. When unity is established, finally, once and for all, the authority of God will appear and the standard of perfection will come into existence centring on “myself”.

When we look at it this way, the place where God’s authority is established is “I”. The place where God’s desire is fulfilled is also “I”. All success or failure begins with the individual. Therefore, when the individual is completely perfected, there you can see the image of the whole. In the middle of this image of the whole, finally, a world of true ideology with one form can appear. Therefore, we cannot deny the fact that the origin of everything does not exist in the objective world but inside ourselves.


The Way Our Blessed Families Should Go
Reverend Sun Myung Moon
August 28, 1971

Have you ever been broken?

Have you ever been broken
Have you ever felt the fear
Have you ever become lonely
in a sudden, unexpected way

Have you ever been shaken
Have you ever felt betrayed
Have you ever become bitter
in a sudden, unexpected way

Have you ever been non-existent
Have you ever felt worthless
Have you ever become a silent scream
in a sudden, unexpected way

Have you ever been lost
Have you ever felt mislead
Have you ever become a runaway
in a sudden, unexpected way

I wish I had the strength
to pray


Joshua Dragon

God’s ideal is the creation of a universal family encompassing heaven and earth


In the world today, there are advanced nations and underdeveloped nations. In the advanced nations people have a lot, and end up discarding leftover things, whereas people in underdeveloped nations lack many things, especially food. They may even starve to death. Twenty million people die of starvation each year. Do you think that is God’s will? What the advanced nations are doing is oppressing the universe’s natural system of interaction. If this continues, the advanced nations will be unable to avoid divine punishment. Heaven will not let this go unnoticed. Already signs of judgment are appearing in various places. One of the signs is the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases, and another is drug and alcohol abuse. Both free sex and homosexuality are the madness of the lowest of the human race. God detests such behavior the most; Satan, on the other hand, praises such behavior the most.


The Value and Significance of the Family Pledge
Reverend Sun Myung Moon
XIV. Peace Message

No hope of avoiding death

As I Can See

Who has ever understood the broken heart of Jesus? He said, ‘Would that even today you knew the things that make for peace! But now they are hid from your eyes.’ (Luke 19:42)

By that time Jesus knew there was absolutely no hope of avoiding death. Yet he pleaded with God in Gethsemane, and he pleaded with God on the cross: ‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?’ (Matt. 27:46)

Thus Jesus died on the cross, not of his own will, not of the will of God, but by the will of men. Christ was destined to return from that moment on. He will return to consummate his mission on earth. Mankind must await his Second Coming for the complete salvation of the world.

Many people may now ask, “What about the prophecies in the Old Testament concerning the death of Jesus on the cross?” I am aware…

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Crown of Glory

As I Can See

When I doubt people, I feel pain.
When I judge people, it is unbearable.
When I hate people, there is no value to my existence.

Yet if I believe, I am deceived.
If I love, I am betrayed.
Suffering and grieving tonight, my head in my hands
Am I wrong?

Yes, I am wrong.
Even though we are deceived, still believe.
Though we are betrayed, still forgive.
Love completely even those who hate you.

Wipe your tears away and welcome with a smile
Those who know nothing but deceit
And those who betray without regret.

Oh Master! The pain of loving!
Look at my hands.
Place your hand on my chest.
My heart is bursting, such agony!

But when I loved those who acted against me
I brought victory.
If you have done the same thing,
I will give you the crown of glory.

A poem by Reverend Sun Myung…

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Tears of God – God is Within

(from the upcoming book: God is Within)

There was always a sadness around God. I couldn’t describe it in the beginning, however, thinking back, He was never thunderously joyful. Maybe it was me or just the world around – He never actually laughed and brought the eternal rainbow. It was only me who painted the sky…

In my long awakening -and falling asleep periods- I studied a lot about Him. Mind-travelled to East, South, North and West, thin air and ancient wisdom. It looked every culture had a different entity to respect, fear, adore, praise, love, hate. Some others seemed to understand a little and added their own ideas or agendas to fill the gaps, declaring a ‘truth’, benefitting their own purposes or hiding their vanity, or lack.

I kept trying to fit my experiences to churches, denominations, cults, even theists. Although, practical questions such as UFOs, poverty, cruelty, slavery, unrighteousness never got an easing explanation, the experiences to keep up with the flow and finding a suitable stream ending up with incompatibility, rather poor logic or the extreme were on…

First, I didn’t understand who God was.

Secondly, thirdly neither. Music, movies gave more ‘this must be true’ than anything else. I was blind, deaf, mute – completely senseless most of the times. Temporary, I came to the surface, saw in the dark than I doubted and convinced myself to numbness…

I remember calling to the Moon, shouting, half-crying at a night in a crowded city, where I felt the most lonely among millions. The answer was ahead, yet I didn’t want to endure more; chose sinking into the mediocre denial.

The glimpses of channeling the Truth at late nights for strangers, talking about the final fire dance where no modern vanity matters, being without electricity, living as true selves in harmony are still vivid. How far these were from state of resonance, unity!

I was composing. Daytime, sensing the necessity in my blood cells and soul I just sat and started to record. Immediately, I traveled through time and space, arriving to a void.

God wasn’t ‘out there’. I was in Him, like a part of His universal body and felt His longing, the urge, the hope. He was joyous even for imaging His desire…

Extreme amount of time passed, but then there was no such a concept of time and space. States of fulfillment and the era until. Although, time is linear, God both lived in the Ideal and the long planning, this way He got ceaseless energy.

The first echoes filled the Galaxy. Then, accelerated formation of the elements, life forms as He was trying to find the best form of His love objects, His manifested children and then family…

Eve was playing with a jumping rope, singing, melted into the happiness and care of the Garden. God was with her and she was curious about His Father. Adam was slightly different, however, deeply loved Him. The Main Servant, who enjoyed the most trust and love was there, helping and serving, guiding and protecting. After the Creation, Lucifer spent most of the times with the Children…

Everything was on the way of growth and maturation, as a tree needs to look for the Sun, straightening its trunk, everybody had conditions to fulfill and to be Blessed…

There was no fault in the Plan. It was always obvious, whatever is out of the realm of God’s Heart, will be in the coldest, never existed realm, what has no place in the Universe.

The free will was never meant to do anything, rather the freedom of asking, discovering based on the pattern around in the Nature…

Nobody was completed. Angels had a special gift planned and prepared, gratitude of God for their service. Their condition was -unknown by them- to let Adam and Eve marry in front of God, guiding and escorting them all the way long. They didn’t understand and Lucifer didn’t ask. God felt the gloom. If He intervenes He breaks His own laws, and He was omnipotent. He hoped Children or Caretaker would come and ask so He could guide. No one succeeded this condition.

Confusion, misunderstanding, growing jealousy and loneliness, being abandoned – Lucifer was scared. All the Creation received and expected God’s Wisdom from him, this time, he was helpless. And attracted. Attracted to Eve who loved him seemingly utmost.

Eve was spiritually complete, they made love.

Eve immediately inherited all the fear and doubts from the Archangel. Instead of shouting to her real Father she chose Adam to comfort her heart. Adam also was in lack of maturation and loved the teasing satisfaction. No one looked for God…

He was crying. His bitter tears were running through His face when He asked the Children. He really wanted to give a second chance, at least, if they recognize, ask, then something can be done. Denial, neglecting, hidden shivering, fear based arrogance. Blaming, accusing the very One who only knew goodness. He died there but was alive. Wanted to leave but couldn’t.

He lost everything. His dreams, joy, energy, fortune, family was gone. He lost everything…

Uncountable time has passed. The sorrow of God, our Heavenly Parent has never been changed. Beloved ones turned to be enemies, He became outcast, desperate, lonely. Yet, He couldn’t stop loving, caring and helping…

As I was composing the piano suite ‘Once there was a God…’ I was sobbing, crying, started to feel a part of God’s Heart and life. He was never really happy, He was to most sorrowful in the whole Universe.

From that hour on, I’m eternally linked to Him. Whether I fail or overcome and grow, this connection is always there.

My purpose is simple: wipe away His tears and laugh and dance together. And this brings the very best for my family and the world.



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